Lost

Things happen in life that you don't expect. People dart in and out of your cast of characters. Plot lines change. The beautifully tangential nature of merely existing rarely ceases to amaze. But when one finds herself at a crossroads, unsure and alone, how does she choose? Now obviously alone is a relative term. Technically, I'm not lost on an island miles away from civilization. But in the core of my heart there currently lays a gap. Not a void. Saying that I am void is inferring that something is missing. Its not. I feel now, more than ever before, a wholeness. A oneness. My time is occupied happily. I love and am loved. I am of service. Yet here sits my gap. Standing before me is a vast valley. Not just two or three paths lay wait, but thousands. I'm sure that some karmic force helps to ensure particular pairings. The catalysts in life that assist in the propelling forward of my tale. But the rest is left to me. I've spent many a long and strenuous hour attempting to avoid these choices. Placating my childish whimsy has served me well thus far. There are hundreds of fantastical stories, memories; the things that fill the pages of the biography I'm writing in my heart. Honestly, I wouldn't trade a one of them! But alas, their time is ending. No longer are days spent idled, waiting to begin. Before me lay choices. The choices that will determine the rest of my days. This is an ominous task, the deciding. Part of me, the child, wants to glide blissfully along certain that all will be well despite my efforts.(Or more honestly, my lack there of.) While the other part of me, the prideful adolescent vying for grownuphood, knows that the work must be done to ensure that my future is one worth striving towards.... There are great tasks before me. Exciting, terrifying, brilliant tasks. Through the fog of confusion I beg little of the powers that be. I pray for strength. The strength to face the tough choices with my boots on, and stomp them, ever so gently away. I pray for clarity. The ability to discern the righteous path from the path of ego and pride. Further still, I pray for peace. I hope to be sitting on a porch one day, surrounded with life's blessings, and to be filled with a surety, a contentment, a knowing that the choice I've made were the right ones .... Wish me luck! I'm gonna need it.

Family.

What is a family? Is it some nuclear unit consisting of a Mommy and Daddy and 2.5 kids plus dog and an SUV? I think not. In my few short years, my many travels, and all throughout the lessons learned, my family has grown and molded itself into a strange brew at best. I am blessed with many mothers. Women with whom I have crossed paths with. Women who, for however briefly a time, have helped to shape me into the person I am today. I have met men who have protected me, cherished me as greatly as they would their own flesh and blood. I have made friends, be it originally or secondarily through somebody else, with whom the bonds are stronger than blood. People who I would die to protect. People who would do the same for me. I have children who I did not grow in my belly, but who look to me as their protector. The ebb and flow of this curious dance of life always keeps me on my toes. Very recently, I was shown a path that I hadn't planned on. There was someone which I was certain would be part of my life forever. Sometimes who I became so close to that I couldn't imagine a day passing without them in it. Then, one day, we parted. It wasn't easy. It definitely wasn't pretty. But it is EXACTLY what it should be. This one person may not have fulfilled the roll in my life I once thought they would, but they did me one better. He acted as a catalyst. He showed me things I'd never have seen. Taught me to appreciate things that I never thought I could. But what's more, he made my family grow. (NO he didn't knock me up!) Without the time we spent together I would not have met dozens of people who I now know as friends. Better still, I wouldn't know people who are now my family. It is a rag tag bunch. There's a crazy hippy lady who owns a coffee shop in the woods up north. There's a tattoo artist in New York. A marine in Texas. A street musician down the street. A child who called me mamma. A computer programmer in Vegas. Even a carpenter in Manchester. These people may not be blood, but when I hurt they comfort me. When I become discouraged, they encourage me. When I celebrate they are there to share my joy. Removing any one person from this web would be like losing a brother, a sister, like losing blood. Without them my life would be lacking. Though I know not what the future holds, how long I will be blessed with knowing them, what I know for sure is this: Sometimes, water IS thicker than blood. And for that, I am sincerely grateful.