The End Of An Era...

The Beginning Of The Next Life. As anyone who's ever gone through a bad break-up can tell you, it takes time, support, and a whole lotta love from friends and family to truly move on.But what do you do when you have all of those things, and you still just cant move on? How does one "Move On"... When I was very very young i met a boy. He was the prettiest boy I'd ever seen up close. He had a mowhawk and the most perfect blue eyes with little yellow sunflowers in them. I loved him. We were together for a year, and then it ended as most youthful romances do. It was a decision made for logistical purposes, partnered by family pressure. It didn't matter why, it was over, and i was not ready for it to be. It took me about 6 months to go out on another date, and over a year before i stopped crying over the loss of him. What i felt for him was as true a love as there had ever been, twice as strong, and it was not going to go quietly away. Every guy i dated after him was somehow compared to him in my mind. Be it subtle similarities, or overtly shared traits, this man was the measuring stick to which i ruled upon all others. It stayed that way for the better part of a decade. Now I do realize that this is not exactly normal, and it most defiantly isn't healthy. But regardless, it was the way i did things.... desperately clinging to the memory of something that was trying to relive or re-kindle it. Now in my defense, it wasnt a straight ten years of nostalgia. He made the occasional re-appearance into my life, staying just long enough to remind me why i loved him so, then leaving again and reminding me of all the sadness and void that there once was renewed and stronger than ever. Not only bad came from our to and fro dance of in and out of love. He is responsible for the life of my son.   He gave me the most valuable gift that ever was, and i will always love him for that. Last week, keeping in step with our annual waltz, he and i got together for dinner. Though the familiarity he lends is always a comfort, the spark that i was sure would never die had simply fizzled away. The traits i once found enthralling now rubbed me like a poorly cared for wool sweater.The eyes were the same, still magnetic and enticing, but the tingles in the pit of my stomach were simply gone. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!? What on earth had changed so drastically?! In short, me. I just wasnt that girl anymore. Not long ago, while i was in a place of contentment within myself, i was lucky enough to meet someone that evoked in me all of the love that i had thought lost.  He reminded me nothing of this mythical character from my memories. He, standing next to my measuring stick, overpowered it. It was a chance meeting at least, and a turn of fate at best. I was in Santa Ana staying yet another long, cold night at the Occupy. The others had all decided to go off and gallivant through town, leaving only myself, and one other hold down the fort. Then my life changed. A tall, well built man approached the site. He had a harsh expression of skepticism and an attitude that reeked of ego. In a stern, but soft voice he stated simply "I've got questions." My counterpart, wishing to go and join in the festivities wit the others quickly pointed to me and remarked "Talk to her." being in a somewhat foul mood i was all the ready for the debate that this individual was looking to get into. My gun was cocked and loaded with all of the knowledge i needed to respond to all of his questions, and argue all of his doubts away. There's really nothing like a good debate when you're having a bad day. It allows one to expel their tension while stimulating the mind enough to get those endorphins going...thus turning that frown, upside-down haha. We commenced. It was the most beautiful debate i had ever participated in. It was like a dance. Each persons argument flowing seamlessly with the next, each word foreplay. The next thing i new an hour had passed. He decided to stay. The others eventually returned and he melded into the group like he had been there for ages... fast forward to today... My phone rang early which woke me from the sound sleep i had been in. I received some good news and decided to share it with my handsome debate partner from earlier in my tale. He stopped over to see me. The tingly feelings are stronger today than they have ever been. The kisses sweeter and still potent enough to steal my breath. When he kisses me i go weak in the knees and my mind becomes fuzzy. I'm dizzy. There is a calm comfort when im with him. The gentle way he holds me rivals the warmest of blankets. We laugh until our cheeks sting and our bellies hurt. he has helped me to see the good in myself. When he looks at me he does so with such intensity that i fell as though i am the only girl in his world. He is everything i ever wanted in a partner. Oh how silly was i to hold onto the past for so long.... Oh how lucky am i that i chose to release it just in time. Its funny how things work out. I;m happy that the old era gave me all of the joy and pain that it did. It helped to shape me into the person i am today. The person that is the perfect match, for my perfect match.... this new chapter looks to be a promising one.