stuck

for the last three days ive been trying to write a piece on Home. im having a bit of trouble. im not sure whether its the concept itself that has me at a stalemate, or the fact that ive got far more pressing issues reeling in my mind and taking up too much space to allow others to form. its probably the later. i recently went through a very wrenching breakup. he was the kind of man that made me have faith in men again. he didnt always say or do the right thing, in fact, more often than not he said the wrong thing. it wasnt that he looked good, or smelled good(which he did. very good.) it wasnt the cheesy grin when he told a bad joke or the hard persona covering a marshmellow core. it was the whole of him. it was the way he looked at me when he was leaving in the morning. the way he held me. the way he kissed me. when he kissed me my whole world stopped. i grew dizzy and weak in the knees. it was the plans that we had made together. it was the child that we wanted to raise together. i have truly loved two men. ive had relationships with far more than two, but i never felt what i felt for the two. the first was when i was 16. he was my world, and i dont think i will ever really get over him. the second came as a shock to say the least. i had reached a place where i had decided that i was done with love. i didnt want to fall i love any more, every again. i was content with the idea of being alone. then he came.  he was a shot of life. he made my brain tingle. he was smart, sweet and sexy. he was everything id ever wanted in a man, lest the awful taste in music. he wasnt perfect. he was perfectly imperfect. and i love him. our love was real. and strong and true. it was the thing movies are made of, and novels written about. it ended because it had to not because we wanted it to. the lives wed lived before each other were not about to allow us to leave them to start again. circumstances being what they were we knew we had to part. i have never felt so empty. but even though i dont get to be with him now, there is a big part of me that thinks one day we will be whole again. until then, ill have to forge forth through the pain. the haze of lacking that has become my day to day. until then, i will live this half life. a body without a heart. a mind stuck elsewhere...